Back To December
by wiggygirl3
Summary: Camille broke Kendall's heart. Now, she's back-can love have a second chance? My first fanfiction; based off the Taylor Swift Song "Back To December", though it is not a songfic. And I love reviews. I own nothing from Taylor Swift or Big Time Rush!
1. Chapter 1

I just couldn't believe I was back again.

There I was, a year after leaving the Palm Woods, back in front of its main doors. It brought back too many memories-mostly painful ones.

But I ignored them, and walked through the glass door that my newly hired bodyguard Quincy (i know, what kind of celebrity security agent is named Quincy?) was holding open for me. The sounds that were all too familiar wafted toward me in the humid L.A air, and it was pretty hard to suppress a tiny smile. I had sure missed this place.

Some people glanced at me-then did a double-take. "Is that...?"

"No, it can't be..."

"No, i really think it is!"

"What is she doing here?'

Quincy, still at the door, was caught off-guard, and soon a throng of people had enclosed around me. I heard multiple, high-pitched screams, a bunch of people calling out my name. pens and tablets were soon being forced into my hands for me to scribble a quick autograph onto before another was thrust into my shaking fingers. In all the commotion, people were pushing and shoving, and I kept imagining myself-a teenager, just about 180 pounds-being crushed under the insanity of my own fans.

I felt a strong hand grasp the back of my sweater-shirt. Not even putting up a fight, I was lifted above all the groping hands and pressing bodies and ended up in the arms of...

"Freight Train!" i exclaimed as the hefty man carried me to the elevator, Quincy right behind us, keeping the gathered crowd at a distance. I hadn't seen Freight Train since I had left...

Once the elevator opened, Freight Train stepped inside, and pressed the level 5 and level 2 buttons. Quincy, who had been holding off the now massive crowd, practically jumped into the elevator just before the doors closed. Finally, the three of us were alone in the elevator, and i could feel each of us letting out a sigh of relief as Freight Train set me down.

"Thanks Freight Train." I said, smiling up at my rescuer, who towered over my short stature.

He smiled back. "Any time."

"I'm sorry, its my bad." Quincy mumbled. "I should have gotten to you first..."

"Its OK. Things happens." I replied, not wanting my big, strong, supposed-to-be-threatening-and-intimidating bodyguard to cry. "Freight Train, remember the time you lost the boys at a carnival?"

While the two told tales of lost celebrities and obsessive fans, I couldn't help but remember when _he_ had been standing in the elevator with me, close enough to touch...

I sighed, remembering that, as much as i want it to happen again, it won't and it can't.

My room was already prepped for my arrival, so we said goodbye to Freight Train as he got off on the second floor to go get his boys-Big Time Rush. _You're going to have to face him eventually_, I kept reminding myself. I tried to imagine what I would say to him, since we were more than probably going to meet again. Sorry for breaking your heart and totally trashing your life?

Somehow I didn't think that would go over well.

The soft 'ping' of the elevator woke me up, and I followed Quincy to where i would be staying for my time back at the Palm Woods-room C5. I used the key, which Quincy had picked up before I had even gotten to L.A., and opened the door to my temporary home. It was quite bland, actually-and, sadly, I knew I wouldn't be staying long enough to have time to change the decor. Any spare time I'd have-between movie auditions and shoots, interviews, and company and red carpet parties-would be dedicated to catching up on my sleep, which I hadn't been getting a lot of lately...for more than one reason.

"Now, if you need anything, just give my cell a ring. I'll be in the room next door, and DO NOT open the door to any strangers, unless I'm here. I'll be checking in on you every hour, OK?"

"Sure thing, Quincy." he began to walk to the next door over. "Don't forget to visit the pool!" he simply shook his head and entered his apartment.

At the same time, I slipped into my own. As I had stated before, the apartment was excessively bland. Cream walls and white carpet, with some white tiles for the kitchen, which was comprised of all chrome appliances. I walked into my new bedroom, which had soft, baby blue walls and-who'd a guessed-white carpet.

"At least the bed is comfortable." I said out loud to myself, flinging my single suitcase onto the floor while i flopped onto the bed, which had a dark, indigo comforter. I laid on my back, staring up at the white ceiling, the overall mood of my apartment reflecting my own.

"Home sweet home, Camille."

* * *

Thirty minutes later, I stepped out of the bathroom, in fresh clothes and my hair up in a towel turban. Taking a long, steaming hot shower-while of course singing "Dynamite" and "Billionaire" (Tao Cruz is my new musical obsession)-energized me enough to make me feel able to go out and get something healthy to eat. I had to watch my figure.

I checked my phone, which had been laying on the bedside table. "Crap!" I exclaimed, seeing that I had four missed calls, and four new voice mails.

The first three were from Quincy; my only thought was_ why on earth did he need to call three times?_I knew the answer of course: for my safety. He had been calling to make sure I was okay- he didn't seem too distressed, so I figured he could wait five minutes for me to check my other call.

The third was from a rep from the company producing the movie I was working on. He told me that a limo would be picking me up for a People's Weekly Magazine Interview that night, 7'oclock sharp, and that the topics to be discussed (and the answers I would be expected to be given) would be emailed to me immediately. I glanced at my electronic clock-it was only two in the afternoon. I had plenty of time to memorize my answers and get ready for the interview.

I set my phone down on my bedside table, struck by a sudden feeling of despair and depression. At that moment, there was nothing I wanted to do more than to lay down on my sofa (however bland it was) and eat an entire case of chocolate and vanilla ice cream while watching old TV sitcoms that most people had never even heard of. Then maybe I could read that book that I had put in my suitcase five months ago and had never had the time to start.

However, I had other things to do. So i called Quincy and told him I was fine, and that I would keep my phone on me for the next time that he called. I checked my email and printed out a copy of the most likely questions to be asked by the magazine interviewers, the answers the company wanted me to give, and what to do if I was asked a question that i wasn't prepared for. I began to memorize the questions.

By the time I was done all this, it was 4:30. I figured I had 2 hours to get ready, then a half an hour to plan my escape from the Palm Woods with Quincy. I had been wondering if I should call Freight Train, for back up-strangely enough, I had his number in my phone-but I figured he would be busy with the boys. Quincy would be adequate for this mission.

* * *

"MISS LARSON!"

Totally unprepared for Quincy yelling at me, I jumped a foot into the air and hit my head on the roof of the limo, causing the buds of my headphones to fall out of my ears. "OUUUUCH!" I yelped, grasping my head with my hands. My eyes teared a little, but not enough to for me to cry. Quincy opened the sliding window between the front seat of the limo-where he was crammed into the passenger seat-and the back seats, where I sat.

"We're almost there." then he noticed I was rubbing the top of my head. "You okay?"

"Just swell Quincy." I muttered through gritted teeth before stowing my Ipod into the lock box under the seat.

"Now, we're gonna get out, and I'll escort you to the interview room. Once you're done, I'll come in and get you, and we'll go out the back way. Okay?"

"Alright Quincy." I said as the car halted. The door to the limo opened, and I cautiously peered out. _Good_, I thought. There was literally no one between me and the door to the interview building-no fans, photographers, or any other suspicious characters. Just nice, good old cement.

I climbed out of the limo confidently; though I didn't see the photographers, they could always be hiding in some trees or be painted and blending in with the building's wall or something else insane. Anyway, I had to look like the Camille Larson that the world wanted to see; someone caring and loving, with a calm personality but a witty sense of humor. Not the crazy, boisterous, slap-happy Camille Larson.

_I haven't slapped someone in over two months. _

I walked into the building. It was just like all the other interview places I had been before: a front desk, a little lobby, and tons of doors and hallways leading to different offices and rooms where magazine pictures could be taken. However, my stomach did a somersault and my mouth instantly tasted like pennies when I saw who was sitting on the lobby sofas.

_Its alright, _I told myself, though I wasn't able to tear my vision away from them. _They won't see you._

Just as I thought this, Carlos Garcia turned his head toward the door and started frantically waving his hand. All the other boys turned to face me-it was too late to turn away as if I didn't see them, and, even if it hadn't been too late, I wasn't sure if I would have been able to manage to look away.

I saw Carlos Garcia, waving wildly at me in his usual giddy way.

I saw James Diamond smile at me, and offer a casual wave.

I saw Logan Mitchell look at me, letting his dimples show as he grinned.

And I saw Kendall Knight turn his dazzling green gaze in my direction, first with a look of curiosity, then a hardened, unwavering stare of pain and bitterness that glued my feet to my spot.


	2. Chapter 2

**AUTHORS NOTE: Second Chapter posted! Sorry for taking so long. **

**All the chapters in italics are in the past (flashbacks) and all chapters in regular font are present-day. **

**

* * *

**

_I saw Guitar Dude by his usual spot, and walked over to him, my face painted with a stupid grin. "Hey Guitar Dude." We exchanged high fives, and he played some quick notes on his guitar. "Whats up Camille?" He sang. _

_"Not much. New audition. I'm playing a-"_

_"Hey, looks like the new guys met the Jennifers." I was momentarily angry at Guitar Dude for interrupting me, but it was quickly replaced by a feeling of excitement. Sure- new aspiring teen stars were nothing new at the Palm Woods, but for being here for over three months, I still got excited when new people came. That always meant new friends to make! I followed, with my eyes, to the spot across the pool to where Guitar Dude was pointing, to four guys in pool chairs, gaping as the Jennifers walked by in their usual, disgustingly gorgeous glory._

_I smiled. "Its hilarious seeing how the new guys react to the Jennifers. But once they're here for awhile, they'll be fine." _

_I then turned to look at Guitar Dude, who had been there for as long as me,only to find him drooling over the Jennifers as well. _

_I simply rolled my eyes and studied the guys more closely. As I had observed before, there were four of them. The one sitting on the very end of the row, farthest away from the lobby, had short, black spiky hair. He had obvious dimples and a very set, strong-looking jawline. I noticed he was pretty cute. _

_I looked on the the next boy, who was Latino, with short dark brown hair, olive skin, and a wide, silly grin that reminded me of Guitar Dude's-just less hippyish, more hyper. He was talking quite frantically, moving his hands all around, though I couldn't hear what he was saying. _

_The next guy was OMG beautiful-longer, golden brown hair that looked pretty much perfect, despite the drastic heat, and a perfectly tanned golden skin. He was pretty well muscled too. _

_But none of those boys caught my eye as much as the last one, sitting closest to the lobby. Even from standing across the pool, I could tell he had thick, dark eyebrows-usually thick eyebrows are a turn-off for me, but he wore them really well. He was blond, with short, nicely styled hair. For some reason, I couldn't keep my eyes off him. _

_Then, I had that urge. _

_That random, manipulative urge that I couldn't fight. I still hadn't practiced my audition on someone yet... _

_So I walked right around the pool, toward the new boy. I grabbed his shoulder, and turned him around to face me._

_That was when I slapped him-hard, right dead-center in the middle of his left cheek._

_He yelped a little, but that didn't stop me. "How dare you! What we had was real! But you threw it away for Trish! Trish! My sworn enemy! I never want to see you again Troy! Never!" _

_I then stormed away into the lobby, wailing.I even slapped a volleyball out of a random guy's hands for good measure. Once I was past the front desk, I smiled, and wiped my somewhat tearing eyes, coming out of character. That had felt good. _

_Not to mention that the boy I had slapped happened to be cute. _

_

* * *

_

_"Hey, Camille?" Jo Taylor said from across the bedroom to where I was applying the last coat of sugarplum pink to my nails. "Can I ask you something?" It was exactly 12:09 midnight. We were having our usual once-a-week slumber party, though tonight it was just the two of us-Rachael was hanging out with her family, and the Simms Twins were in San Diego, shooting as extras in "2012"._

_"I DIDN'T STEAL IT! I SWEAR!" I blurted out. When I turned to see how Jo reacted, she was looking pretty confused. _

_"Wait, what?" _

_"Uh...Audition?" _

_I knew it was pointless to lie to Jo; she was my best friend. But she waved her hand. "We'll talk about that later. I have something important to tell you."_

_"What?"_

_"Well...I have a crush. A major crush."_

_"REALLY? WHO? WHO? TELL ME RIGHT NOW, WHO?"_

_"Camille!" _

_"I'm sorry, I'm just SOOO excited!" I took a deep breath. "Who do you have a crush on?"_

_"Its...Kendall." She said, smiling widely with just a slight giggle._

_"Oh." I could feel the goofy grin fall off my face. Jo looked completely disappointed._

_"You don't like him?" _Jo, if you only knew. _"Or you don't think we'd be good together?"_

_I shook my head, as if I were disgusted-in a sense I was, but honestly, who could blame her for crushing on Kendall? "I don't think you'd be good together. I think you'd be GREAT TOGETHER!" _

_"Really?" She went right back to her smile. _

_ I could almost feel pains begining to well up inside my heart. _God, are you really making me go through all of this?_ "Of course! And, he totally likes you." _

_ "I know." Jo said breathlessly. "I just don't know if I should, ya know? Because I _need _to focus on my career."_

_ Ok, honestly, that made me want to strangle Jo. Inside my head, my hands were already around her neck, and I was bellowing out, at the top of my lungs, "WHAT IN THE WORLD ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT! HE LIKES YOU, YOU LIKE HIM-GO FOR IT! DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY GIRLS DREAM OF BEING IN YOUR SITUATION? ONE OF THEM BEING ME!"_

_ But would I really say that? (At first, my inner voice said 'Yes'). But that would be over the top. So no. _

_ "Yeah, that's true. 'Career first.' But listen. Don't let your career keep you from being a regular teenager, okay?"_

_ Jo laughed. "I'll try. Thanks Camille. You're awesome." I smiled and we both hugged. We went back to painting our nails, our conversations all about boys and, more specifically, Jo's interest in Kendall. _

_Later that night, just after we had said our good nites at 3 am, and Jo's soft snores could be heard from the couch across from me, I started thinking once more about what Jo had told me. _

_Honestly, I knew it was only a matter of time. Kendall and his friends had been all over Jo the very first day she had arrived. They hadn't stopped trying to impress and be 'friends' with her even after she had told them she had a boyfriend (I knew I was the only one who knew this was a big fat lie). You can't really stop a love like that. _

But why did she have to choose him? _Carlos, James, and Logan were all adorable, and they would all make sweet, adorable, phenomenal boyfriends. Why did she have to like the guy that I liked too? The worst part was that she was actually still contemplating turning honest and going out with him. _If it was me in her situation, I wouldn't hesitate at all.

It's all my fault._ I told myself. _You never told her that you liked him. You didn't tell him, or try to ask him out, or even give him the simplest sign-

Wait a minute, _I thought. _Yes, I have flirted with him. Just not...in the traditional way of flirting.

_He was the only one I ever slapped, and I had volunteered my help to him-and Big Time Rush- over and over and over again. i had helped them to steal all of Gustavo's cool gizmos and gadgets for their apartment (even though the mission failed), and had helped them to take down Wally Dooley, or "Wayne Wayne". _

_How could the boy be so oblivious that he was the only thing I wanted?_

_I wanted more than anything to take him away from Jo. To wake her up and tell her that Kendall was MINE. I had been there longer, and I wasn't about to give him up._

_But...I couldn't. I couldn't deal with being a home-wrecker._

_Jo and Kendall liked each other. _

_I can't break that up. _

* * *

_So I watched as Kendall and Jo's relationship blossomed and grew. While I sat on the sidelines, being the best friend I could to the boys and Jo, Kendall and Jo became a 'thing'. While I was at endless auditions (without much success), Kendall and Jo spent whole days in eachother's presence, growing closer and closer and closer. _

_All I could do was sit and watch them fall in love. _

_Or could I do something?_


	3. Chapter 3

_I put on the most seductive face I could and prepared myself for what I was about to do._

_"Is it hot in here, or is it just you?" I slunk up to Logan, who was attending to some food at the oven. _

_"Um...no, its hot in here,I was just, making pizza bagels.." he replied nervously. _

_I slapped the pizza bagels away, causing the baking sheet he was holding to fall with a bang to the kitchen floor. _

_"You preparing for a movie role?"he asked apprehensively. This was almost too perfect, almost exactly what I had planned for. _

_"Yes." Thats when I grabbed him by the front of his jacket and took him into a dip position-this was the part I was most worried about (could you imagine the embarasment for both of us if I had dropped him in the middle of the party?)-but either I had gotten stronger or Logan was just scrawny. "And it's called 'you're mine tonight', and its starring me.. and you"_

_If I hadn't have been such a good actress, I would have burst into hysterics after seeing the petrifired look on Logan's face as he stuttered, "Umm, I'm gonna be rite back, so ...you stay here." He dropped to the floor and crawled away towards the V.I.P area that Kendall had setup for him and Jo. _

_I stayed there, forcing myself to act surprised and offended, spreading my arms out wide before sighing and grabbing a cup of soda. I decided that, until it was time for phase two of my 'make-Kendall-jealous-so-he-and-Jo-will-break-up' scheme, I might as well dance, eat some junk food, and have fun._

_As I reached the dance floor, some guilt and second thoughts were starting to wash over me. How could I live with myself? I was using Logan Mitchell to try to make Kendall Knight jealous!_

Phhhhsssk_. That evil voice in my head cooed. _Its for a good cause. You deserve Kendall. And its not like Logan won't get anything out of it-he gets a girlfriend. A fake one, but a girlfriend nonetheless. Relax, Camille.

_I frowned to myself. Voices in your head can be extremely annoying._

_The truth was, though I had been planning with extraordinary detail, nothing in my plot had mentinoed anything about the immense guilt that came with evil schemes. _

_I hadn't even really thought about how I would feel, first leading Logan on, then messing with Kendall and Jo. I suppose my rational thought was clouded by my Kendall fantasies...but now that I was actually going through with it, it didn't feel as good as I had expected._

_In fact, if felt horrible: my stomach was tied in knots, my hands and upper lip felt sweaty, and I kept playing with the fabric of my shirt awkwardly. For the first time, I was wondering whether my nerves would get the best of me. _

_But Logan was heading back in my direction, and he was looking like he was going to try and flirt back. _Phase two starts now.

* * *

_I threw the pale blue towel that I had been carrying over his entire body with nice aim. I figured it was time for apologies-from both of us._

_I walked over to stand in front of Logan, my arms crossed. Even though I _had _been using him, it still hurt that he had been two-timing me with a witch like Mercedes. Though I had never met her personally, I had heard about her from the boys, and what I had seen in her behavior tonight was enough for me to confirm their accusations. _

"_I'm really sorry. " He said earnestly. It chipped a small crack into my heart to know that he _was _really sorry…and believed that I was innocent. "You-"_

"_I need to talk to you."I interrupted. I grabbed him by the hand, ignoring his whimper of protest and pulling him toward the pathway that led to the Palm Woods park. I didn't stop until the pandemonium of the party was a faint buzz behind us._

_Standing in Palm Woods park, the quiet and smell of fresh-cut grass was refreshing. It seemed to clear my mind; I was just realizing how completely, totally, and undeniably stupid the whole 'making Kendall jealous' thing was. _

_"I have to tell you something." I said as i turned and faced him. _

_"I need to tell you something too." he began, "Its just-"_

_SLAP. _

_"What was that for?" he challenged, rubbing his cheek. _

_"I said I need to tell you something. And you kept talking." I answered simply._

_"But do you really have to _slap_ me?"_

_"Why shouldn't I slap you?" I questioned, genuialy confused. What did it matter? _People can be so oversensitive sometimes. It wasn't like I was going around hacking people up with an axe or something!

_He seemed to shake off the situation. "What did you want to tell me?"_

"_Logan….I wanted to apologize for tonight. I don't even…" I sighed. This was harder than I had expected. "I don't even really like you like that."_

"_Then…then what was all-all _that _for?" he said, waving his arms and motioning to the party. I understood what he meant._

"_I was…." I grimaced, "trying to make…someone jealous."_

"_So….none of it was real? You were just using me?" I could practically hear the dramatic, almost sad music playing in the background. But what I could definitely hear-the hurt in Logan's voice-made me feel even worse._

"_Logan, you're a great guy. There's no doubt that you would make an amazing boyfriend." _It was true._ "But I like someone else."_

_Logan stood staring off into space for a few moments, then responded, "I understand. And I wasn't exactly acting very nice tonight..which I'm sorry for. You're…a very..." _he actually has to think about this? _I thought, only a little insulted. " _interesting _girl. You don't deserve to be lied to either." He smiled, and I knew we were on good terms again._

_I turned to go back to the party, but Logan asked me the question that I had been avoiding, that I had hoped that, if I ran away fast enough, he wouldn't ask. But he was too smart, and far too curious. _

"_Then... who _do_ you like?"_

_I froze. What would I do? He _did_ deserve an answer after what I had put him through tonight, but I had become so used to hiding my burning passion that I felt I'd die if someone else knew. _

_I turned to face him and laughed, trying to cover up my nerves, but the laugh came out sounding incredibly fake. "What are you talking about?" I asked, a huge made-up grin on my face. _

And I'm supposed to be an actress?

"_Who were you trying to make jealous tonight?" _

"_Oh..." I waved my hand as if it didn't matter. "No one. Nooo one, that's for sure."_

"_Camille..."_

"_Why don't we go back to the party and-"_

_"Camille, I know you're lying."_

_"How dare you accuse me of lying!" SLAP. Logan grabbed his cheek and screwed his face up in pain but kept on badgering._

"_But you are!"_

_"Why would I lie to you?"_

_"Because you don't want me to know who you were trying to make jealous."_

_There was a pause. "I wasn't trying to make anyone jealous." Maybe if I kept saying it, he would eventually believe it._

_"Then why would you tell me that you were-"_

"_I LIKE KENDALL!" I burst out, not even thinking. I immediately slapped my hands over my mouth, eyes wide. _Why in the world did I just do that?

_Suddenly, it went very quiet. That kind of quiet where you could hear a pin drop._

_I let the hands covering my mouth drop to my side. Logan was standing there, his mouth hanging open slightly as if he wanted to say something, but nothing was coming out. His face was frozen in surprise, his eyes glued to something far in the distance, and his one hand pointing at me, stationairy in midair. I waved my hand in front of his face._

"_Hello? Logan? Are you okay?" I poked his cheek (which was still a little red from my abuse), and he snapped out of his trance._

"_You like-" he shouted, and I used my entire hand to cover his mouth, muffleing that last oh-so-important word. "KENDALL!" His outburst was still pretty loud, despite my efforts, but at least no one was around to hear it. _

_I removed my hand, praying that he wouldn't scream more. "You like _Kendall?" _he hissed. _"_But-but-but he's _Jo's_ boyfriend!"_

_"Why do you think no one knows?" I snapped. He was still looking very perplexed._

_"But before Jo was here, why didn't you like...slap him up or flirt or whatever you girls do to impress boys-why didn't you do it then?"_

_I looked down at the ground. It _was_ completely unnatural for me-I was usually excellent at expressing my emotions, and fearless with confrontation. I could go around slapping people, but flirting with Kendall? That was a whole different story! "I know its hard to believe, but I get..._almost_ shy around him. I can't really explain it." I admitted, shaking my head slightly. _

_"But it makes no sense!"_

_I smirked. "That's love for you."_

_He patted me on the shouldar, but didn't seem to have any reassuring words to give me. "Maybe we should get back to the party before...uh...someone thinks...well..." in the dim light I could see him blushing. _He's so cute. But I don't love him.

* * *

_In the weeks that followed, I found that Logan knowing about my crush on Kendall was a good thing. He _was _one of Kendall's best friends, and, though he was a genius in everything BUT the love department, I found his suggestions helpful (or at least they helped me to realize what NOT to do so I could think of a better idea). _

_I wasn't about to pull any more boy-snatching stunts. It felt way too there was no moral reason that we couldn't talk about plots we'd like to pull off. _

_Other than the endless, pointless plotting, I would always ask him questions: random, seemingly unimportant things about Kendall that I didnt know but, for no apparent reason, wanted to know. _

_I didn't know how much good any of it would do for me, but I was hungry for information on my crush. It wasn't all good news though. Even with Logan trying to sugarcoat everything for me. _

_For example, when Logan was over my apartment once again, I asked him if he and Kendall had discussed me at all the night of the party. I had seen them talking a little before Logan had come back over to me, and I wanted to know what he had said, if anything, that concerned his feelings about me._

_No sooner had the question left my mouth when Logan stood awkwardly and said, in that cute llittle nervous voice of his, that he had to go._

_"What for?" I protested; I didn't like cliffhangers. Books-and people-should just get straight to the point. _

_"Oh, ha, you know...arranging my...collections...homework...folding...socks...blee-blap-bloop...uh..." He started toward the door, but i was faster, and blocked his way. _

_"What did Kendall say about me? You're not leaving until I get my answer."_

_"Pshk. Yeah, like you can stop me." _

_I raised my eyebrow and took a threatening step foreward. Logan yelped and jumped back a foot. We stood there for a few moments before Logan sighed. "Fine, I'll tell you."_

_I nodded and stayed where I was._

_"I went over and said, quote, 'Camille's all over me and says we're in a move together. Yay. Help?' unqote." he paused here, physicaly bracing himself for a slap...but i let that one slide, and he soon continued. "Jo said, quote, 'Whats the problem, Camille's cool.', unquote." _

Curse that girl for being such a good person.

_"Then Kendall said...quote, "You have to admit, she's kinda crazy," unqote,-"_

_This whole quote, unquote thing was going to get annoying very fast, I thought to myself._

_At first, it dissapointed me that Kendall thought I was crazy. _

_Then I remembered that I was. _

_But did he think that crazy girls didn't make good girlfriends? Sadly, it seemed that way. _

_"and he kinda laughed, like 'ha-huh' at the end. Then Jo said, quote, 'oh, like your friends are normal?' Then Kendall said, quote,-"_

_"Enough with the quotes!" _

_"Sorry...anyway, Kendall said, quot-ingdedly..." He was lucky he caught himself there. "'Logan, just tell her that your not interested and you wanna be friends." Jo said 'or, just relax and see where it goes. maybe starring in Camille's fantasy movie could be fun.I told Jo thanks, told Kendall he was totally wrong, and walked over to find you."_

_Logan once again braced his entire body against my wrath._

_But I wasn't really angry. I wasn't even surprised._

_"You're not mad." he said, almost dishhearteningly. _

_"Well...I _am_ a little insane."_

_"He kind of said it more negatively than I did though." _

_"Well, that may be true. But I figure that if he's still friends with you three, he can't possibly be scared off by crazyness or idiocy." I patted him on the shoular and went to sit back down on my couch._

_"I guess, but-" he broke-off when he registered my insult. "Hey!"_

_I just laughed. _

* * *

**Hope you enjoyed it! Sorry I haven't had the time to update lately-I've been busy, and this chapter took me quite a few rewrites to complete! Please review...and don't hold back. I love criticism. =D**


	4. Chapter 4

"Are you gonna go say hi to your friends?" Quincy questioned gently. All four boys were still looking at me; however, I was glued to my spot, unable to tear myself from Kendall's gaze. His eyes were still cold.

"I'd rather not. Besides, I have to get to the interview." I glanced up at him and begged, "Please tell me I need to get to the interview."

"No, silly. You still got some time until you actually have to meet them. Go say hi." he smiled and nudged me toward them. _Curse you Quincy_. But it wasn't his fault. He didn't know what had happened between me and that boy.

Somehow I managed to drag my feet to the sofas where the members of Big Time Rush sat.

"Camille!" Carlos jumped out of his seat and gave me the biggest bear hug I had ever gotten.

"Hi Carlos." I gasped out; he was squeezing me so tightly that I could barely breathe.

"Uh, Carlos..." Logan began, trying to pry Carlos off of me. "Can you let go before she dies from suffocation?"

"What?" he finally let go of me, and I began gasping in sweet oxygen. _You never know how much you'll miss something until it's gone. _"Oh, sorry. I just haven't seen you in a billion years!" he grinned.

"I've missed you too, Carlos."

Logan then pulled me in for a softer, gentler hug. As he pulled away, I wondered what he would have to say to me. He had, after all, been the closest person to me, other than of course...Kendall...and..._her,_ though she had only been friends with me up until...that. However, he said simply said, "Hey. How have you been?"

"Fine." I lied. As he withdrew from me, James pressed by him to give me a hug too-a quick, short one, although it gave me just enough time to smell the aroma of hairspray wafting from his hair. It was lighter now, its natural light brown color. As usual, he looked like a god.

But he also withdrew, and my breath caught in my throat as I waited for Kendall to greet me- if he would greet me at all. He was still seated, his hands folded into one another and his arms resting on his legs. He looked up at me with those gorgeous green eyes and gave me a curt nod, followed by a soft smile (which I knew was forced) and said, with almost a sweetness in his words, "Hey Camille."

"Hi Kendall." I replied, my voice quivering. Logan and James exchanged a quick glance-so quick I barely caught it. Kendall looked away, his smiling fading as quickly as it had appeared.

Then Carlos began groping at the air, as if trying to catch a leaf or feather...even though there wasn't any IFO (identified floating object) anywhere in sight. "Carlos?" We all asked.

"What are you doing?" Logan questioned.

"Trying to feel the awkward." he burrowed his brow, and continued groping at the air. Logan face palmed, and James shook his head. _Oh my god Carlos_. He was unintentionally making the moment even more awkward than it already was-and that was really saying something, considering the fact that I was sure me and Kendall both wanted to disappear into thin air.

My throat was feeling closed, but I knew I had to say something. "So what are you guys doing here?"

James answered. "Doing an interview with Pop Tiger."

"We were just waiting for-" Logan was interrupted by four ringtones-one playing "Famous", two playing "Big Time Rush" and one playing The Spongebob Squarepants Theme Song (I'll give you one guess on whose phone that was). All four boys checked their phones. "We were waiting for our limo, which just came."

"C'mon." Kendall stood, and I forced myself not to look at him. "We should get back to the Palm Woods now."

Logan and James gave each other one last, swift glance before heading toward the door, but Carlos remained on the red couch, still hard at work at his pointless task. "I said..." Kendall grabbed the back of Carlos's shirt-not gruffly, but with just enough force to snap Carlos out of his trance. "we are _going_."

He then proceeded to yank Carlos across the lobby by the cuff of his shirt. "Bye Camille!" Carlos smiled brightly as he was forcibly dragged toward the door, walking-and repeatedly tripping-backwards. I waved and watched them walk away.

Then, just as Kendall reached the door, he let go of Carlos, who scampered after his two companions, who were already outside. He turned back toward me, meeting my gaze full-on. I stood there, blinking, my lip trembling, as we faced each other, alone, for the first time in ages. His expression was stone-cold, and impossible to decipher. He seemed to take a tentative half-step toward me, and then pulled his foot back. He looked down at the ground, then back at me before shaking his head and walking out.

I don't know how long I stood there; it could have been hours. Quincy came up behind me. "They were nice, and cute." (no, Quincy is not gay...but he's like the older sister i never had. he says things sometimes, and it sounds like something a girl would be saying to a younger sibling). he glanced at where I was staring. "Especially that Kendall guy."

"Yeah." I whispered. For some reason, my eyes believed it was the perfect opportunity to start leaking-slowly but surely clear drops of tear water rolled down my cheek. I could feel my hand trembling slightly, and I had to sit down to prevent my legs from snapping in half.

_Yes, he's the most gorgeous, nice, sweet, funny, talented guy ever...and I broke his heart._

_He hates me._

Quincy was dumbfounded. "What's wrong? Why are you crying?"

"Yes, why _are_ you crying?" I turned my tear-stained face to see a woman with a short, mousy brown bob, tiny, dark brown eyes, and a navy power suit standing behind us. She had on a sly smile, and in her hand was a netbook laptop.

It must be one of the interviewers.

I immediately put on a smile. "Practicing for a new audition." It was one of the oldest lines I knew, and I had personally proved that it could get you out of any awkward kissing, crying, or slapping situation. Quincy handed me a tissue from the lobby desk. He didn't look convinced, but he knew better than to argue with me in front of an interviewer.

"Oh, very nice, Miss Roberts. Now, if you're done, would you like to have that interview?"

"Sure, Mrs..." I squinted at the name tag on her jacket. "Hoopes."

She turned on her heel. "Follow me." she led me and Quincy through a maze of halls, offices, and windows until we finally reached our destination. I told Quincy to wait for me outside, and Mrs. Hoopes and I stepped into a cozy little room with two white sofas which faced each other. A tiny table stood between them, with some little chocolate squares and mini brownies. My mouth watered. My image consultant had cut almost all of the delectable, chocolaty and sugar-saturated snacks from my strict diet.

But what she didn't know wouldn't hurt her.

"May I have one of those?" I asked. I knew i really shouldn't, but it wasnt like i was going to pig out. One little square wouldn't kill me, or my 'figure'...

"Of course." she said, sitting down and crossing her legs in a professional manner. I shoved a tiny square into my mouth and sighed in chocolate bliss. It tasted so good, I couldn't resist taking another.

And another.

And another.

It was a few moments before I realized that the woman was staring at me, her neatly-trimmed eyebrows raised.

_Eyebrows..._

"I'm sorry." I mumbled, swallowing the chocolate.

_I'm soooo sorry_.

"Of course." she stated loftily. "Now, about your new movie..."

The interview proceeded as normal, with the woman asking me questions about the new movie I was in, my favorite thing about acting, my inspiration to become an actress, yada yada yada, bla bla bla. I answered each question with precision. I knew the next part was coming, but I was still struck by sudden stomach swirls when the woman finally switched the topic. "So, who is your current celebrity crush?"

I giggled slightly. "Uh..." I remembered the name from my paper_. Shia Lebouf. All the girls love him. Just say Shia Lebouf_. "I would have to say..." _C'mon, just say it already!_ But even the thought of it made my tongue feel like sandpaper. "I...don't really have any right now."

"Oh, come on. We're both girls here." She said in a silky voice that was obviously faked. "You can totally tell me. Unless...you don't have a crush because you're already 'taken'." She even used the air quotes around the word'taken'. I giggled again.

"No, I can't say that I have. But I am always looking for Mr. Right. I-I guess...well, all the girls love Shia Lebouf, right?" I smiled weakly.

"He is quite a cutie." I suppressed a cringe. I think Shia would be insulted if this lady thought he was cute...it was certainly awkward-sounding when she said it.

"That will be all, Miss Roberts. Thank you."

"No, thank you." I smiled, once more thanking God that I could act whenever I needed to be able to fool magazine snobs. I let my masquerade slip as soon as I was out of the door. Quincy escorted me through more winding halls until we came out a back door, where the limo was waiting for us, hidden behind some foul smelling dumpsters; all the while, I was still thinking about my last answer. _I am always looking for Mr. Right. _

_Yeah, you found Mr. Right. You found him over a year ago. You found Mr. Right in the form of Kendall Knight._

_But then you let him go._

Quincy opened the door for me, and I climbed in, letting the tears cascade freely down my face.

Twenty minutes later, I was back in my apartment, going through the other suitcases that had just arrived at the Palm Woods-the three that I didn't carry with me. It was one of the perks of being famous-you didn't have to worry about whether or not you would fall over from all your luggage. You had other people to do that for you.

So, I had divided all my belongings into four suitcases. The first was the one with some clothes and general needs-make-up, my specially concocted shampoo, conditioner, and other hair products, 'girl things', etc. The second had the rest of my clothes in it. The third was the smallest, but was filled entirely of shoes and accessories.

The last, however, was my favorite-my memory suitcase. I kept my most prized possessions locked away in this box, including (but not limited to) the script from my first successful audition (a one-line speaking part in "Without a Clue"), my various pictures in gold and silver-trimmed frames, special fan letters and fan art, and last, but not least, some old magazines that had been very memorable-so much so that I had refused to throw them out. Back home, this would drive my parents crazy, considering the fact that I wouldn't see my carpet at all from time to time-it was entirely covered in mags. Though I had cut down my magazine addiction, there were a few that I couldn't bear to separate from.

After setting all my other stuff into my bureau and closet, I sat on my bed to look through the fourth suitcase-I usually did this whenever I was feeling low, and considering what had just happened, I figured it might cheer me up.

I regretted my choice when I picked up a random magazine and saw it was the one with a whole mini-mag...on Big Time Rush.

_Don't go through it. Resist temptation. Put it down right now, missy!_

So of course I opened it and began to flip through it.

There was some Jelena (Justin Beiber and Selena Gomez) drama and style guides, which I barely skimmed. Finally, I got to the cover page of the "Big Time Mini Mag". The background was the official BTR poster-I couldn't help but smile, thinking of when they had come back from that photo shoot, apparently after being mauled by Dak Zevon fans. Even when in pain, Kendall had been adorable.

I turned the page and relived the story I knew too well. The story of four, average, hockey-playing guys that had been discovered and whisked to L.A., where they had many adventures-what the magazines didn't know is that I already knew all about these wacky escapades, and all the little minor details that the world would never know. Since I had left the Palm Woods, Big Time Rush had

There was a pang in my chest, but I let myself turn to the last page, the page where Big Time Rush talked about their crushes and girlfriends. This magazine was from a few months ago, and, at the time, they hadn't had any girlfriends. I laughed openly at their own 'celebrity crushes'. I knew James was going to say Nicole Shernzinger-he still claimed he was going to marry her someday. Apparently Logan and Carlos had been quite shy about this question, but eventually Pop Tiger was able to pull the names "Debby Ryan" from Carlos and "Selena Gomez" from Logan (Logan was, by far, hotter and overall better person that Justin Beiber, in my opinion). Kendall had, as the magazine quoted, 'chosen the right to remain silent.'

However, I knew that Big Time Rush's love lives (or, more accurately, the lack thereof) had changed. Logan was currently going steady with some techie girl that he had met during one of their video shoots-they had just gone public. Though he hadn't found anyone specific, James had been seen on multiple dates with lots a girls, mostly models. Then, there were the most current rumors that Carlos was seeing none other than Debby Ryan, whom he had admitted in the magazine as his celebrity crush.

Kendall was the only one who had remained single.

Through dull eyes, I glanced at Kendall's interview. "My perfect girlfriend would be someone who...well, first of all is honest with me. And has a great sense of humor. Most importantly, she has to have my complete trust. And yes, if I met a fan like that, I would date her."

Would he ever date someone who had already broken his heart? I glanced down at the article again.

Trust.

For some reason, I didn't think he would be so trustful of me anymore.


End file.
